I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's not a walk of shame if you run