1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
