just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.