Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize