Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
