Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.