Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
