my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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