FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
