I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
