This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
