I'm so fucking centered right now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
