Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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