This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
