Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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