it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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