Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
