96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
