Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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