Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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