Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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