so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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