Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
