how can u be prego again
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
