God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
