i jhust puked up my retainher.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
