No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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