when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
