That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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