I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
