Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
