I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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