so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
