Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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