My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
True strength comes from lack of pants
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
