I wish my penis had an off switch
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
