hotel room ftw
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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