Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
