I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize