WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
