I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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