Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
