Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
