i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How's work?
Spinning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
