I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
