i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
