so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
