I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
