My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
