You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success