I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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