Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
