Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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