I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
