I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
