i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
