Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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