I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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