Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
