She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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