So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
