i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
