oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
