just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
