Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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