She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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