I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
