Already got asked if we're dating
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
