kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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