He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you made out with another girl for some wings
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
