when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
