apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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