I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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