Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
