omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
