Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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