Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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