I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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