at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
