finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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