i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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