I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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