I can text with my tongue
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
