I am spending my child support on dildos
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
