his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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